28 Nov Don’t Agree to Anything Until You Read This
Have you avoided saying “no” to avoid conflict? Have you been caught off guard in the past, by agreeing to something you didn’t really want to commit to?
What exactly is a boundary and why should we care about boundaries?
Personal boundaries are mental, emotional, and physical spaces we create to protect ourselves from being used, manipulated, or violated by others.
These limits help us to clarify who we are, and what we need. And what we need – or don’t need from other people while considering their needs also.
Creating and maintaining healthy personal and professional boundaries are the key to managing our physical, emotional, and psychological well-being.
We can’t be everywhere and everything to everyone. So being crystal clear on what your goals and values are and where you should be spending your time can help you decide with confidence.
Saying no doesn’t limit your opportunities — it opens you up to the right ones.
Next time you feel unsure in making a commitment, take a few seconds to pause before you respond and evaluate if what you’re agreeing to is serving the highest interest of you and the person requesting your time.
There’s no benefit to wasting time if you’re not totally committed. If it’s not coming from the heart; Newsflash! You have the right to kindly decline.
It’s impossible to say “yes” to everything, but it’s necessary to know if you’re saying “yes” to the right things.
Unhealthy boundaries can have hurtful effects on your happiness, confidence and self-esteem.
If you have difficulty saying “no” to people, follow these simple steps:
1. Before agreeing to anything, tell the person you need to think about it or you need to check your schedule and let them know you will get back to them shortly.
2. Ask yourself ” Am I doing this because I fear disapproval or feel guilty?” If the answer is yes, try “sorry my schedule is full right now, I won’t be able to”. There is no need to explain further.
3. Are you doing this because you have a need for this person’s approval? If the answer is yes, say “Thank you for thinking of me but I’m going to pass on this”. There is no need to explain further.
4. Are you considering doing something someone requested because you genuinely want to do it from the bottom of your heart? If the answer is yes, then feel good agreeing to it!
Don’t forget to state your boundaries clearly and without anger. Avoid long-winded explanations as this opens the possibilities of debate, loopholes or arguments.
If you get tested by the same person more than once, assume that you did not state the boundary as clearly as you thought you did. In this case, try to be more clear and reinforce the boundary clearly and firmly.
For example: “Thanks for thinking of me. It sounds fantastic
and I’ll be cheering you on, but I’m not able to accept the invitation”. Of course, tweak as needed.
Being firm and clear doesn’t mean being rude. The key is to be kind and graceful when declining an event or request.
It takes courage and commitment to set healthy boundaries for yourself. You are worth it. If you find yourself feeling guilty or overwhelmed, remember that setting boundaries take time and practice, especially, if you’ve never realized that you have the right to set boundaries.
As you start setting healthy boundaries, you will naturally feel more empowered, confident and feel good about expressing who you truly are.
Be kind to yourself. No judgement. Start to observe and pause before you make a commitment or respond to someone’s request.
At first, you may feel awkward or nervous, but with each small step, you will start to feel more confident.
You deserve it.